PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
