You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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