Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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