so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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