you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
