The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
