My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
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I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
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If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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