when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
