i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
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