im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
