Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
