My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
