one two three fourrrrnication!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
