thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
