Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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