May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize