Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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