Got a toothbrush?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
