How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize