We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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