actually, I'm a sock model
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize