i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Found the puke drawer
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
