if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
worst night to have a conscience
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
