And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
