who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
