The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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