If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
