I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
