listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
