it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
