Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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