I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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