Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
