a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
