I think I am morally bankrupt
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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