you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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