My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
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So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
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Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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