he puts the penis in happiness.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
it's like iHOP with fire
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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