obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
