i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
