we have pet lesbian snakes
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
