guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The power of my boobs compel you
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
