I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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