we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
