you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
