Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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