I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
