I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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