last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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