how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
