smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
