dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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