im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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