Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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