hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
