I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
