Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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