i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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