im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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