i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
