none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
