That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
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