dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize