I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
