You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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